This is a painting I did last year for my first full art exhibit. It's not my usual style because I have a tremendous capacity for melancholy, heartbreak, and "woe-is-me" in my art. Many of the stories and artwork I've created for Once Upon A City are tinged with sadness and this bluesy overtone spills over into the other creative things I do. The songs I write. The "bigger" stories I'm working on. The things I paint.

This painting, however, seems to overflow with such tremendous and wide open joy for life and love and hope and goodness that it just makes me smile. The ways in which I can spiral in my darkness can be blinding a so I like to remind myself that I am equally capable of giddiness and silliness and a child-like lust for glorious living. And that's what this painting does for me.

It's certainly not brilliant but I don't really care. I don't create because I need praise and accolades (not that there's anything WRONG with those things, of course). I create because I love to create. I am a storyteller above all else. And this painting tells the story of boy reaching out with all his might because he believes in the possibility of greatness and he believes that joy and love is his to embrace and share. And sometimes that's the only reminder a person needs to get up and go back out there.

Creativity isn't always about creating something to share with the world. Sometimes it's about creating your own reminders that it's going to be okay. I write stories about finding answers when I don't even understand the questions. I write love songs for lovers I haven't yet met. And I paint flowers "for you", whoever you might be. Because I can. Because I need to. 

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It's not easy to actually start something that has been in the incubation period for a long time. It takes a certain amount of bravery to allow yourself to move from Wanting to Having. I think we can be so accustomed to wanting that we forget what it feels like to actually have. And, I suppose, there is a certain amount of fear that comes from actually taking the chance. What if I fail? What if "they" don't like it? What if I end up stuck in a big pile of regret? What if it's too much work? What if I suddenly realize that thing I wanted can't bring me all the bliss I thought it would while I was daydreaming about it? What if I'm laughed at, do something wrong, look stupid? What if my friends never mention the spinach in my teeth or the toilet paper on my shoe?

A thousand questions come screaming out of the darkness when faced with the realization that maybe, just maybe, that dream can become a reality. We're a society built on fear and sometimes those fears can be so crippling that we'd rather let opportunities pass us by than fully embrace all of the potential they hold. Yes, I am standing here with my toes dangling over the edge of possibilities and I am consumed by all the questions mentioned above and a million others. But here's the response that came shouting back from the rebel spirit that has carried me this far. "SO WHAT?"

So what if it's scary. So what that I might fail. So what that my creativity and the way that I choose to express it won't connect with every single person in all of creation. So what if some people treat me like a joke, laugh at the attempts I make, or consider my risks and dreams stupid. So what about the spinach and the toilet paper. So what. So what. So what.

And maybe I should give a little bit of attention to the flip side of those possibilities. What if it's brilliant? What if the work of Once Upon A City and my other creative ideas are exactly what a depressed person finds and needs to feel a little bit less alone, if only for a moment? What if it makes me rich in ways that transcend wealth? What if my friends and I get to celebrate our success a year from now with an all expense paid trip to Bora Bora? What if I get to meet the people who inspired me as a child and who continue to inspire me as I take my own kamikaze leaps in life? What if all the dreams I've had for myself were only the very beginning of what is possible? What if I just shut the hell up and did it instead of spiraling in the excuses that keep me standing still? What if I stopped wondering and just found out by doing?

The truth is, I just don't know what this new adventure holds for me. But I'm going to find out. I invite you along for the journey. And I look forward to being inspired by the stories I will hear along the way.

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